Dream last night

Dream last night: I was on a school bus with my wife and son. The door to the bus was open as the bus travelled down the road. My wife stood on the steps of the bus, talking to the bus driver, and my son stood right on the edge of the steps next to the open air. As the bus careened along, my wife nonchalantly allowed my son to stand on the edge. In the dream, he looked like a miniature version of Barack Obama. I was furious with my wife for allowing our child to get so close to a certain death, but she seemed to act as if this were just a minor difference in parenting techniques. I tried to explain using logic why having our son stand right next to an open door where he would surely fall out was a bad idea, but in the dream world, my wife’s calm demeanor of this not being such a big deal seemed to prevail. I finally had to resort to using emotions to make my case, but all this did was get me kicked off the bus and made my wife (in the dream) decide that she didn’t need to be with me anymore.

I walked into a school or library and tried to find sympathy for my situation. People seemed to agree that what she had done was a terrible idea, but they were more upset by the fact that because my son looked so much like Barack Obama, his death would have been all the more a tragedy.


Hearing the passage in Mark where Jesus was driven into the desert by the Spirit in class today made me think of my own dark night of the soul. The more that I have embraced Christ in my life, the greater the temptations have been, and the more I have failed miserably in my efforts or non-efforts to avoid sinning. The idea of going out into the wilderness alone for forty days and forty nights has an enormous appeal to me, but I doubt that I will be able to swing it in this life. If my wife goes before me and I am not too old, I will certainly do this. I might even decide to just die alone out in the wilderness. The idea of dying surrounded by people who are faking their sorrow or not, and some of them hoping I will just hurry up and die–this leaves me feeling a little cold, though I suppose in the end we all pass into that good night alone whether we are surrounded by loved ones or not. I just like the idea of having my spirit depart in a natural area that is mostly free from anything manmade, and letting the wild beasts finish off my carcass–there is a lot about how our civilization handles dying that seems to me to be perplexing and overblown.

Immortality certainly has lost its appeal with me. I don’t like the idea of living in a world like this one in a body like this one forever. I do like the idea of coming back again as someone else in a different time period–not necessarily one in the future–or an alternate universe where I can experience living through the early 2000s minus George W. Bush and 9/11.

In theory, with God, all things are possible, although it does seem sometimes like what is possible is really very limited, even more limited than what you might think of as being probable. God has a finite and precise plan for me and others in this particular universe and time and place, and I should be trying to follow the plan as much as possible or I just end up miserable. I hope that my path now to become a parish pastor at a mid-size church in a mainline denomination is closer to the right path, but I can’t be too sure. I would love to see my son and possible other child grow up in a town like the one where I went to school–doing Little League, Scouts, Band, Sports, etc. more or less as I did or had the opportunity to do them. I would like to pass into retirement having spent at least a couple of decades being respectable and established in a nice, all-American community, but I am not counting on it 100%. There are dark days where I think the future for me and my family will look more like McCarthy’s The Road, than anything else.

As I write this, I am running on what should be enough sleep, but of course, I was awakened at 6 AM straight up by my young son, and I did my share of tossing and turning in the night. My 8 AM class was a bit of a struggle to attend, though I like the subject matter and professor. I have these days where I feel like I am just dragging myself through everything, and only animated by excessive amounts of coffee and caffeine pills. Then, when I come back here for a moment of rest and contemplation, all I can hear is the sound of construction taking place outside my window. I don’t know what kind of formation I am getting as a spiritual leader where some of my most desired and available moments for contemplation and introspection are spent with the sound of intense construction noises right outside my window. I suppose the argument could be made that I am receiving a constant prompting from God to get back up and go out and do something–that this is a calling of action more than it is one of introspection or book learning.

The books are very seductive, though. I find myself seduced by the warm embrace of well-turned phrases and lovely ideas and grand narratives. I am utterly charmed by the ancient and classical worlds–the modern era holds a lot of problems for me in terms of what I think is truly necessary and relevant to be human and happy, but I doubt I could survive in any era other than this one. The idea of immersing myself in the churchly life is also intensely appealing–I am talking about getting caught up in the smell of an old church–the mildew in the wood, the mothballs in the storage of paraments, the old books in the library, the peculiar odor of potluck luncheons and the perfume worn by old ladies…it all comes together and you know you are in church simply by the smell and the feeling of being warmly embraced by ancient, friendly ghosts–the ghosts of the departed who choose to haunt the older churches are loving, caring ghosts who long to see more little ones running up and down the halls. None of this is really about getting caught up in Jesus or God, or going out and feeding Jesus sheep–not directly, anyway. Of course, Jesus’ sheep are fed in the communion and the reading of the Word and its interpretation that comes in sermons. God is worshiped, and the Lord is present because two or more are gathered in the Lord’s name.

But, what I am talking about is probably dangerously close to idolatry of the classic, mainline Protestant American church building, and all of the accouterments that come with being a regular participant in church-y things. I don’t know if it’s quite idolatry, though. I am pretty sure that God would be happier with me caught up in all things church than all things sports, hunting, fishing, or stuff I typically do like reading secular fiction, poetry, history, etc. Obviously, being in love with church puts you in a world of a better place than being in love with, say, porn or drugs or alcohol or whatever.

My probable risk lies in the fact that I am carrying around an idealized version of what the perfect church looks like, and no church can quite live up to all of the wonderful expectations I have of it in my head. It is likely an amalgamation of all of my favorite churches and then some. It is a church that may actually be Baptist, Lutheran, Episcopalian, Presbyterian, Methodist and even Catholic and Assembly of God and other non-denominational churches I attended. Maybe it is the future Temple of the future Kingdom of Heaven. I don’t know. Probably not, since the members are mostly white and old and Midwestern or Texan, until I leave off from simply drawing from memories of churches that gave me comfort in childhood.

How I feel vs. how I think

How I feel vs. how I think–I’ve been criticized for not expressing what I think enough when I argue from a point of how I feel, and vice versa. Both have their limitations. Feelings that are immediate and shallow are generally to be dismissed. They are lingering behavioral responses from youth and toddlerhood that were not properly addressed during the formative years. There are deeper feelings, though. Like when you feel something instantly in your gut, and you know it is wrong but you have yet to put into words why you know it is wrong. Your gut, when properly listened to, almost always has the right answers. The same goes with persistent feelings. You feel the same way about someone or something on day one, and you still feel that way after a month–it’s safe to say that the feeling is valid.

The pursuit of feeling good is conflated with the pursuit of happiness. It is easy to get caught up in a fleshly, sensuous world and become more and more imprisoned by your carnal desires.

A more sophisticated approach would be a close reading of how the mind and heart interact with each other, and a process of training them to work together more optimally. My approach has often been a matter of dismissing one in favor of the other until I’ve taken my feelings or my thoughts to an unhealthy extreme.

Meditating on a loop that is running from my solar plexus out to my head, between my eyes, and back down through my heart to my solar plexus. A feedback loop of happiness and joy. Also, imagining all of the faces that will come at me with scowls and seriousness and importance, faces that are not wanting to see a happy person. The world loves to rip apart a happy person. My thin skin has always been all-too obliging.

Also, the keen sense of not owning any of this. I don’t own these concepts. They aren’t new, they are simply the output of what I’m observing presently. They belong to everyone.

Monday morning, first day of Spring semester classes

Monday morning, first day of Spring semester classes, first year of grad school. Routine has been established, but not enough so that I consistently do physical activity and tend to scholarship money. Just enough of a routine to get me out the door and get my son to his school, and me to class so that I can keep my head afloat. I feel an enormous weight off my back sense I’ve decided to abandon Facebook for the second time. Hopefully, this time is for good. There has been way too much negativity increasing inside of me toward others, and a great lack of objectivity about who/how people really are.

It has also been helpful for me to return to reading Buddhist texts, and think about reality outside of the everyday paradigms in which I’m used to situating myself, be it the Judeo-Christian one or the post-modern Scientific one, or even the crazy, post-truth, post-facts world of news and politics.

Mostly, I am looking for a consistent framework that I can rely upon, without this framework becoming so rigid that I can’t adapt to new situations. It should be obvious, but I have to remind myself constantly that I control so little of what goes on out there, and I have neglected to control much of what goes on in here that I should have been controlling.

Random dreams last night about my own vanity. I came across an ID card from ten years ago in the dream, and this card had a little animated GIF of me interacting with someone I once knew on it. In the dream, my hair was plentiful and flaxen, and I looked sort of like an eighties sitcom teen heartthrob. I was convinced in the dream that I was able to look that way from simply using Rogaine, and my stopping the application of it had turned me into a wizened old man who looks more like the Gollum from Lord of the Rings.

I think it was a reminder of how in the past I’d held a much higher estimation of myself and my appearance than I really needed to, or perhaps that I still cling in the present to a false notion of how I once looked. Such dreams are primarily prompts to clean up crud that I still cling to, I think.

days like this one, where it feels like all you need is a book and a dog

days like this one, where it feels like all you need is a book and a dog,
and a notebook for keeping track of your thoughts.
warm and wet, with a green-gray tint to the sky overhead.
the air feels young, and so do you.
a new story can be told that might involve falling in love
or a trip to the ocean to touch sand with the toes and stare at the stars.
the warm and wet day propels you out into the world,
where you feel free to be and say new things.
you feel like you could stay in this place forever, and never grow old.
the sun remains hidden behind the loving clouds’ warm embrace.
you can picture what it was like to stand here two decades ago
or two decades from now.

It’s a good day to write a poem or get drunk. It’s a fine day to walk until you drop. It’s the perfect day to drop into the library or bookstore and find the ultimate book of verse and wisdom. This will be the year that you slide into yourself in perfect harmony, casting aside your old, dry and scaly skin. You will have pounds of compassion to spare and wit and insight into the human condition.

It’s days like this one where you can imagine being a boy on a Mediterranean island in the times of Socrates or Homer. You can imagine running through the streets of Jerusalem when Jesus walked the earth. You can feel yourself standing in front of a Mayan structure in a rainforest, or meditating in a Buddhist temple. Just as easily, you can slip onto the streets of Manhattan, and walk among the throngs going to see jazz in Bryant Park. Everything makes sense on a day like today. Art, science, mathematics, religion, philosophy, medicine, metaphysics–all of the learned words could come from all of the various tongues of humanity, and you would understand them all.

The streets of your city are empty. People are all inside their homes, preoccupied with the moment they are in. They are straining and striving to build kingdoms that won’t be destroyed by fire or flood.

You feel nothing but compassion for all of them, and wish that they would come and join you and your dog out in the rain. It is a light rain, not too heavy to soak the bones. The air is warm, because it is early April, and the chances of catching a chill are almost nil. A few frantic cyclists and joggers push on past you. They don’t welcome the rain anymore than the people inside do, but they are determined to show the world how they can succeed even in the middle of the most intense weather known to man.

The bars in the city are mostly empty on a night like this. The bouncers and bartenders are going through the motions of caring about life, while a guitar-playing vocalist reproduces flawlessly and bloodlessly classic rock and Stevie Ray Vaughn. Somewhere in this city is the key that will unlock all the doors and take you to the secret clubs where the supple young bodies sweat to techno, take ecstasy and get up in the morning to go to yoga classes. You aren’t looking very hard for that key.

You are an old man in a young man’s body. Your goals are not the same as the goals of other people your age and younger. Your goals are to unlock the great mysteries behind the doors of life and death, of the places between sleeping and waking, of the parts of the mind that could absorb the highest math and most advanced physics while composing exquisitely beautiful music and painting crisp masterpieces rich with divine colors and sensuous forms.

Your life has been a masterpiece of a gift. How many people get to be born in this time and place in history, free of being drafted into war and free of catching most diseases that plagued people in the past? You have access to so much, and yet you take only a tiny fraction of what is offered, spurning the rest in contempt, and seeking out things that appear to be held back from you. Yet, on days like today, it would seem as if the gods are opening their hands again and extending such gifts as ones you once knew when you were too stupid to take them and make them your own.

A strange paradox is working its way through me right now

A strange paradox is working its way through me right now–the concept of non-attachment, non-ownership of things with the notion of radical personal responsibility.

As a conscious entity who has been thrust onto the stage of a life and world with other conscious entities, it is impossible for me to conclude that I don’t exist at all, or that phenomena don’t really exist, that there is no I and the world. But, I can begin to see the wisdom of non-duality, in that my connectedness to all creation means there is no separate I who can exist independently of the world. Because I and every other soul effectively “own” the world, there is no real need to place my name upon anything I say or do with an eye to claiming some kind of immortality for when I die. However, there is a great importance in understanding that my thoughts, words, and deeds do impact other souls, either positively or negatively, for the same reason–we are all connected. If I stew in negativity for hours on end, hoping for something bad to happen to someone I don’t like, I will inevitably create the proper kind of conditions for something bad to happen–except, the bad thing might very well happen to me or a loved one or a nearby innocent bystander.

I don’t have to take ownership of all of the sins of the world, because Christ has already done this. However, I do have to take ownership of all of my sins and bring them to Christ and ask for repentance, while asking also that Christ will reach out to the hearts of those I’ve offended whom I know longer know, but remain full of bitterness and anger toward me. I have to take ownership of all of my bitterness and anger toward people, by constantly asking myself if this or that person still causes an emotional disturbance inside of me when I conjure up their image.

As I forgive and ask to be forgiven, then I can become detached. I know longer need to cling to or own those old, toxic memories. I don’t really need to own or cling to any memories, as God keeps them all in a mental memory bank more pristinely than I will ever be able to. The ones that are worth replaying will be there for me when I die. The ones that aren’t worth replaying will be there for me as well if I haven’t yet asked for forgiveness and forgiven the offender involved in the toxic memory.

This is not a quick and easy process. Many times over, I will declare that I have forgotten and forgiven, that I have let go, and suddenly, the memory will confront me again when it is triggered by an unexpected life event. Those are the moments where the habit of practicing quick renewal of the forgiveness becomes very important.

There is, of course, no need for me to be attached to material things, or attached to the words I have written. My words are like seeds that will be planted when I die–some may take root and bear fruit, most will not. Eventually, they will be completely disconnected from the particular soul/entity that is me. This is exactly as it should be. I no longer need to be attached with grief or hanging on to the loved ones who have gone before me. I won’t ever forget them, and it does me no good to try to continually resurrect them as clearly as possible in my mind and replay old memories and try to imagine myself communicating with them wherever they are how much I love them. I will see them again, God willing, and that should be good enough. I have to let go of so many things.

My mental tentacles are many and varied–they reach out from the mind and the heart, pulling me this way and that. Some attachments are simply to bring forth a little happiness, and others are deeply entrenched in my heart, and rake me over the coals when I summon them forth. The pain and release is its own kind of cathartic happiness, but it too, is completely unnecessary.

Other attachments that need to be severed are attachments to pride and ego and all manner of ways in which I’ve pumped myself up to be a great somebody inside of my mind. Such attachments have caused much of the recent bouts of anger–for I have continually demanded of God and the world why I am not getting something better–surely I deserve more than this because I am so special, right?

Obviously, owning up to my flaws and problems is a must, but owning them like a greedy miser or masochistic fool long after I have been forgiven of them is the worst kind of ownership. Being a hoarder of misery is an especially pathetic way to be. Hanging on to things that will not accompany me later in life and into death, or hanging onto things that will always be with me because they are natural gifts of the Lord and not really mine to begin with–hanging on to anything after it has been met and dealt with is hanging on to it for too long.

buzz buzz buzzing in my front and center lobe. vibrating, humming. v sound, v shape.

buzz buzz buzzing in my front and center lobe. vibrating, humming. v sound, v shape.

a cross that has its center in the center of your forehead.

the desire to consume becomes obliterated by a resonance. a humming that is increasing, and building. the desire to lose yourself in words, a sea of words.

give yourself the gift of departing completely from the present, and find yourself happily ensconced inside a pyramid of mind.

at the top of the pyramid is the eye and that is where your third eye is. at the base of the pyramid is your heart. move the cross down so that the center of the cross is where your heart is and the top of the cross is where the top of the pyramid is. now flow with me and feel this new kind of energy seeping through your body, replacing the old sexual urges and food cravings. a completeness is here, a completeness of love, where before love was scattered and fragmented across the head heart and nether regions. now, love is filling you completely, and you are feeling the warm vibrations of love from your head to your toes.

test the spirits if you need to. ask them if Christ has come in the flesh.

Jesus Christ is the holiest one, the holy lamb and son of God. Together with the Spirit the comprise the great Trinity, the three in one and one in three. They emanate pure love. There is no will toward owning things or owning the self when you embody pure love. you no longer own yourself, or own your words or ideas.

You are purely interested in giving it all away.

pray for the president and stop sowing discord. the time of discord will come of its own accord and when it does you need to be ready to stand firm in the love of the Lord, and be prayerful and mindful and full of peace.

peace to all your sisters and brothers. peace to the children. the lamb of God loves all the little children. women will mourn no more. comfort is coming in an everlasting way. the everlasting day of light is almost here, almost upon us. the time for struggling in the flesh is over. stop fighting powers and principalities of the flesh, and look to the discord in your heart, mind and soul…see how the spirit longs to be free. the primary way that you are enslaved is through your own will toward the flesh, toward the material world. see everyone as children of God, children of Light, children of Love.

be thankful to the Lord for these gifts. you don’t possess them. they have not come to you because of your own merit. you have merited nothing. what you have are the gifts of mercy and love by God’s own grace. ask the Lord first for gifts of Love, then wisdom and then intelligence. if you ask for these gifts in the opposite order, you will be pumping your own ego up, trying to increase your own self in stature. who you are on this earth matters little. which is to say, you don’t need to make a name for yourself, or leave behind a single thing for which those who remain on this earth can know you.

ask and it shall be given unto you, but ask carefully. ask first for love.

i am praying for the Lord to send his angels to watch over all of the little children who are fleeing zones of conflict. i am praying for the mothers and fathers of these children who are living in desperation, and don’t know where they will lay their heads tonight. if you want to know where God is right now in the world, then that is where He is…and we are busy shutting Him out.

i am praying for the Lord to soften the president’s heart–i want badly to learn that there is still hope for this man. that he has not hardened his heart beyond all repair.

I’m only going to give you what I have

I’m only going to give you what I have. From the inside of me to the inside of you, that is what I want to bring forth. Inside of me there is an ever-increasing sense of peace. It isn’t artificial peace, and it isn’t a delusion about the future that is still bound to hold some degree of violence. What it is, is a gift of peace from God that God has placed inside of me, and now I would like to give it to you.

Specifically, I want my peace to fill a space inside of you that trembles with anxiety. If you are worried about the future, then I don’t want to lie to you and say that everything is going to be all right. What I want to do is replace the anxiety with peace so that you can more objectively and carefully assess your options for battling the dragons that may come your way. I won’t slay your dragons for you, and I can’t hide you from your dragons, but what I can do is make sure that you won’t make rash decisions that are propelled by fear.

From what authority to I send you my peace? I send you peace by way of the love of the Lord, the goodness of Truth, the holiness of Love. I sit in a time and place where I am safe and able to draw forth reserves of peace. I may not always be here, but as I write these words, I pray that when you read them, you will be able to sense some of these reserves of peace that I am praying will be there for you.

Are you one of the chosen ones? It is very likely that you are, but I am not a prophet, so I can’t say for certain. You are alive in your here and now, and you are cast in a moment where the world needs you more than ever.

I wish that I could knit the frayed ends of the world back together

I wish that I could knit the frayed ends of the world back together. The image of the new cloth sewn into the old garment comes to mind. The old garment is precious, and has served me well. The new patch of cloth is quite lovely to behold, but it doesn’t ever seem to fit in with the old garment. Well, of course it doesn’t. If I am connected to the universe, then surely I could make a difference from where I’m sitting, right?

The answer always seems to be utterly simple and almost boring, but also deeply profound and almost inscrutable.

I tend to turn toward fantasy when my world stops making sense

I tend to turn toward fantasy when my world stops making sense. It’s a bit of escapism, yes, but it is also born out of the deep understanding that reality is no longer operating as expected. I think this must be why so many people appear to be caught up in alternate explanations of reality, history and science. For me, it’s a dip in the waters of creativity, exploring a few “what if’s…” and then returning to the world that I see outside my window and in my news feed. For some, though, I can understand how it must feel safe and secure in a weird way to know that there are a plethora of underground alien/military bases everywhere beneath us.

I’ve tried to understand the way that I view the world through the generational lens–and maybe this has become too narrow of a framework to build a real understanding for why I hold the mix of trust and mistrust for institutions that I do. On one hand, I have mostly embraced new technologies, getting on social media platforms as soon as I heard about them and purchasing the latest must-have gadget within a few years of it becoming widely adopted. On the other hand, I have held a lot of mistrust for some things–and still like to keep them at arms length. I have never hailed a ride using a ridesharing app. I have never made a purchase at a store using my smartphone. I tend to prefer reading hardcopy books over electronic ones, with some exceptions.

I suppose that anyone you meet could offer a series of explanations for why they are not of their time, but I have noticed how I seemed to have been too young for a lot of the GenX stuff that permeated the late eighties and nineties and too old for the Millennial trends that started to appear in the early 2000s. In some ways, I have grown into embracing institutions and traditions that even Baby Boomers in their younger years spurned. In other ways, I feel like I would thrive better in some future generation where the U.S. has become the fourth or fifth most powerful country in the world in terms of both economy and military. Such generational specifics are, of course, mostly limited to Western culture and probably mostly white, middle and upper class culture, which is why I have come to think that this framework is rather limiting.

The better approach is really to constantly ask myself what I really need to take with me through the rest of my life. Do I need to have an encyclopedic knowledge of the current professional sports landscape, or know all of the movies that received Oscar nominations over the past ten years, or be able to recite the words to any number of popular songs at the top of whatever chart is relevant these days? Do I even need to have a more intense and careful reading of the works of philosophers, historians and theologians, in order to help others in a pastoral setting?

I certainly don’t feel as if I need to have a lot of things. As far as stuff goes, my weakness has been books, and I am pretty convinced I will be getting rid of most of my books over the next few years.

In a perfect world where people have access to excellent healthcare and education, and nutritious and healthy food, what kinds of activities should these people be doing to make humanity into a better species? The model of being good consumers of products seems to be eroding. The ways in which people amuse and entertain themselves can only offer so much distraction before a person wants something more out of their existence.

This is one of the distinguishing characteristics of being a human–we are never satisfied with what we have. We know that there is more “out there” somewhere, but we are unable to grasp what that more actually consists of. For some time, having more simply meant working longer and harder in order to get a nice raise and bonus every year in order to buy another car, boat, vacation, or more stuff to add to your collection of stuff around the house. However, subsequent generations have seen the limits of more coming in the form of stuff. More must mean something else.

More of a career? A more rewarding job? A rewarding life doing something that doesn’t necessarily pay anything at all? More money as a hedge fund manager, but not necessarily more stuff–just money as a means of keeping score? More drugs, sex, partying? More video games, live bands, clothes, movies, sports…what?

A few follow down the path of abandoning the desire to accrue more of something and decide they have enough, or they find an outlet in service to others. More of helping others instead of helping yourself. But, at the end of the day, most people still want more out of life than they were able to obtain. Look at our President. The man is clearly unhappy with everything that has been given to him, everything he’s obtained or worked or fought or scammed to get–he seems unhappy even with being President. He desperately wants more of something, but he has no idea what that more is. He thinks it must be something material, or perhaps immortality in the form of an everlasting name he makes for himself. But, in his innermost self, he knows that this, too, will not be enough.

Is the trick to kill the desire for more? Is the best thing to do something along the lines of what Christ did–a self-emptying, or intentional turning on its head of this innate desire for more? Is a Buddhist approach best–stop seeing your self or ego as a unique or separate entity–once you remove your duality, you have everything because you are not setting up a false ego that is trying to accrue everything. These all sound quite nice, except they are much harder to put in practice than they are to more or less understand when you read about them.

And, if you are able to achieve some kind of enlightenment, self-emptying, non-duality or destruction of ego–what do you do next? Die? Wander the earth begging for alms? Sit around doing nothing? All of that seems to be an exceptional waste of a human who has just transcended the self.

Don’t get me wrong–I like the idea of removing all sense of the ego or self, getting rid of the desire to add more to the self, and ceasing to think that I need to be moving toward something because there is really nowhere to go. I’m already here. I’m already one with the earth. But, I still have to raise my son, and I am pretty sure my wife will expect me to do something after I get my degree.

I also love the idea of being able to send warm thoughts of unconditional love energy out to people and heal the world, without having to be anywhere near them. I wish I could put myself into a warm, lovey state of bliss, and never leave it. I still hope for a moment where I simply glow with radiance from having reached a pinnacle where all I can do is love the world no matter what it does to me. I just don’t know exactly how to get there.

why don’t you want to go through with it and take the leap forward

why don’t you want to go through with it and take the leap forward into the space where it will be like suspended animation? you drew lines and counted costs, but that’s not you.

imagine a locus that is stationary, like something inside, outside, above, below, beyond…now remove those directions…imagine a non-locus that is always dynamic, always moving. how you describe the movement is what your world becomes.

if the movement is happy movement, joyous rhythms, danceable tunes, then so becomes your movement. but, if you try to grab the movement, and pin it down, make it motionless and draw a box around it, then the world you started to create goes away.

basic movement = taking something or making something. breathing. thinking about taking in positive energies while breathing in, but turning around and producing more positive energies when breathing out.

there is certainly a world out there. don’t be like those who would claim they are responsible for all of the world. solipsism doesn’t cut it. but, you are connected with the world in ways you don’t see. if you approach the world with the basic attitude that you are cut off from it and distinctly an island unto yourself, the world treats you that way. you are not of this world, then, but you are also not of anyone else. in order for you to be successful at such an endeavor, you must strive to make your individualism so perfectly distinct that it becomes abhorrent to all.

if you approach the world correctly, with the notion that you are connected to it in some way, then you will contend with the fact that you are going to be shaped and molded every single day. you can’t get away from people who will change you. for you, growth may not look like a neat linear trajectory. it might not even hold any spatial dimensions at all.

imagine a mind that is just as comfortable working with large numbers on the order of hundreds of digits as your mind is comfortable working with single digit numbers. such a mind holds no reservations about being able to add, subtract, multiply, divide large numbers, as you do with single digit numbers. such a mind could not be located, but that doesn’t mean it couldn’t exist.

your insistence upon finding reality with your senses means that you have predicated an attitude or approach or preconceived notion of one where you toss aside anything that doesn’t arrive in via your senses and become a kind of object in your mind that you can dissect and control.

the first step, then, is to blast away your insistence upon being a separate individual and your insistence upon only claiming to know something if you can apprehend it with your senses.

your attitude or approach or pre-conceived notion that you use to begin your quest will include one of being present with your mind without grabbing onto anything with your mind. further, you will no longer see the phrase “your mind” as being somehow equivalent with something like “your house” or “your car.” your mind becomes “the mind.”

the mind. think about the mind for awhile. consider the mind as being a non-thing or stateless thing where the word thing is merely a placeholder to describe a generic entity, and the mind has no location. it is stateless, non-local, and the mind minds…it exists in its mindfulness. it doesn’t exist while it is still someone’s static mental image. it begins to exist for the user when the user accepts that the mind simply abides in a mindful state.